Marriage prep

I want you to think about dating. It doesn’t matter if you’re married or currently in that stage of pre-marriage: think about the people you’ve dated in the past and who you are currently with. Now think of why you dated them. Was it because they were cool and popular (I’m hoping you were in high school if this was the case) Were you just hoping to date someone that had a different view on life, get a little more excitement going on? Were the people you dated similar to you?

Probably most of you dated people who were very similar to you in some way. Studies show that we date people because we can relate to them and understand more of where they are coming from. Was it the politics, the religious belief, maybe it was just because they were similar in where they lived?

Now think about the reasons why you chose to date. People date for different reasons, which can cause problems if who you’re dating doesn’t have the same point of view as you.

Were you there for the fun of it? It’s a time for us to relax and just get away from our jobs or school work. This is the recreation part of dating. Dating is always meant to be fun, so even if this is not your main objective, you should probably make sure it is recreational to you.

Were you dating just for the status of it? This might seem silly, but think back in junior and high school. When someone was dating another person did you think of them more as an adult because they were creating adult relationships? It happens more often than we think it does.

There is also the obvious reason of dating, hoping to find someone we would like to eventually marry and settle down with. Sometimes we forget that this is the real reason to date.

We were talking in my class about how society and the world have lost their real understanding of the classifications of “Dating”. When you’re dating someone are you going on dates or has it become more of a hang out session? There isn’t anything wrong with hanging out… if you’re just friends. But really, grow up and go out on dates. Dating comes from “Dates”, you can’t be dating unless you’re consistently going on dates.

Now what about engagement? Are you really engaged, or are you engaged based on everyone else’s definition? Engagement is a formal agreement to get married. So when you’re engaged, historically it meant that you were in a binding relationship that was as tight as marriage. Can you think about all the engagements these days that you know about that seem pretty loose and are ready to pull out at any moment? That sounds like dating to me, engagement is already the promise to get married. So if you’re engaged stop looking at other members of the opposite sex. State your boundaries with your fiancé and make sure you both understand where the line is drawn when it comes to your relationship.

I once knew a guy who was engaged and he was away from his fiancé and believed that since they were only engaged he should keep dating to make sure she is the one. REALLY?! If you are not sure, then you should not be engaged. DATE!

This might seem petty. Who really needs to know the definitions of dating and engagement?

Well if you aren’t sure where your boundaries are in the relationships prior to marriage, then what makes you believe you both will know the boundaries in your marriage? Many marriages struggle because something that you believed was okay while being engaged might no longer be okay with your spouse.

It’s vital to your relationships that you make sure you understand where you are at.

And for goodness sake, get off the couch and go do an activity, don’t just “Hang out”.

Oh. One more thing,

We were talking about how we are often told the definition of a date is “Planned, paid for, paired off” Brother Williams in class made the connection of “Preside, provide, protect” If you think about how presiding makes you in charge, so does planning. Make sure you provide for your date, even if it doesn’t involve money, you are making sure that things in the date are prepared. When it comes to protecting and pairing off, think about how when you are with your date how you are supposed to help each other out. You, as the date, are there to make sure you make your date comfortable at a party or getting her back to her home by curfew. You are RESPONSIBLE for your date.

I know this is kind of a brief explanation of how these two relate, but I really love how the priesthood duties in The Family: A Proclamation to the Family is taught by dating.

NOTE TO SELF: Look up for future topic discussions: 'How to avoid marrying a jerk'